Barbie's advice to men:

It's not what you'd expect!

Forgive me, I still have these Oscar nominees on the brain.

Barbie was a strange movie, and I’m still thinking about it — to the filmmaker’s credit, I suppose. A forgettable movie would be worse than one that bothers the viewer.

On the plus side, Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling gave great performances. There were some good songs and at least one great dance number (“I’m just Ken”). It was also visually creative, as the filmmakers had fun decking out Barbieland with all the weird Barbie-related offerings Mattel has sold over the years.

And Barbie had a lot of very funny moments. Kate McKinnon’s “Weird Barbie” as Barbieland sage was a particular standout.

On the negative side, the script was all over the place, and seemed to be written by a committee who could only agree on one thing: It’s hard to be a woman in America, and it’s mostly all men’s fault.

The script also tried to juggle other themes about consumerism, and the patriarchy, and dolls as role models, and personal relationships between the sexes. It was a lot to handle, and I thought they did so clumsily — and depressingly. A ton of complaints. Not so many solutions.

Oh, and it was surprisingly dull in parts. I was very bored in the 2nd act when Barbie and Ken go to the real world, and my wife (and a female friend of ours who went with us) actually fell asleep in the theater during that part.

But the weird part of Barbie that makes me want to write about it is the way it (unintentionally, one hopes) recommends to men that, to be truly happy, we should quit screwing around and get serious about oppressing women.

Don’t believe me? I’m not surprised. There’s no way that the film’s director, Greta Gerwig would support that message. But here are some plot points that demonstrate my case:

Barbieland is clearly a twisted and inverted mirror of our own society. The Barbies dominate everything and the Kens are merely an afterthought. In fact, Ken is a literal accessory for Barbie, who can only find happiness in the adoring attention given to him by Barbie:

“Barbie has a great day every day, but Ken only has a great day if Barbie looks at him.”

That’s how he was made by his creator. The allusion to the biblical story of Eve being created as a companion to Adam springs to mind.

So, here’s the story of Barbieland in three acts, from paradise, to dystopia, and back again:

Act one: The totalitarian matriarchy of Barbieland is perfect. The Barbies are all happy. The Kens… well, they exist too.

Act two: Barbie and Ken visit the real world. Ken is astounded and delighted by the patriarchy he sees and returns to Barbieland to remake that world in the image of the worst frat-boy, toxic masculinity, beer-commercial, male-dominated trainwrecks one could imagine. The Barbies are either miserable or suffer Stockholm syndrome as they cater to the Kens every need.

Act three: The Barbies take advantage of the stupidity, vanity (and desperate need to be liked by the Barbies) to trick the Kens into letting the Barbies reassert matriarchal control over Barbieland.

All is right with the Barbie universe again. The Barbies throw a few scraps to the Kens and recommend that Ken self-actualize or something:

“You have to figure out who you are without me.”

So, how are men to interpret this film? What lessons are to be drawn? Well, the basic plot outlined above suggests that to be happy, one sex should completely dominate the other.

Surely, that’s not what the script writers intended to convey, but that is what they showed.

So, lesson learned, men! Time to double-down on the patriarchy!

I’m kidding, of course.

But Barbie disturbed me. I’m all for a film showing things wrong with our society, but this film was long on complaints and very very short on solutions. I honestly walked out of the theater wondering if men and women could ever live happily together.

But then I looked over at my beautiful wife, holding my hand as we walked out of the theater. She smiled at me. I smiled back, and I thought:

“Oh yeah. It’s just a stupid movie. Relax.”

Naturally,

Adam

PS: One more thing. In the “credit where credit is due” department, the “I’m just Ken” dance production they put together for the Oscars to showcase that song’s nomination was easily my favorite moment of the 2024 Academy Awards.

It was magnificent. Kudos!