The Substance

All this week, I’ll be on the Tom Woods Cruise, sailing out of Galveston Texas to Costa Maya, Mexico, Cozumel, Mexico, and Roatan, Honduras. It should be an amazing time! Will I see any of you there?

But fear not, I won’t leave you for a week without writing anything to the loyal subscribers of Haman Nature. It’s Oscar season again! And though I haven’t seen all the nominated movies, I have seen a few.

And… I have thoughts.

I’ll be sharing some of them with you this week. Last Friday I told you all about the horror show that is Emilia Perez. Today I’m going to talk about The Substance, written and directed by French filmmaker Coralie Fargeat, who is nominated for Best Director.

This film tells the story of an aging actress/jazzercize star named Elisabeth Sparkle (played by Demi Moore) who is suffering what happens to aging ex-starlets in a cartoonishly depicted male patriarchy.

Moore is nominated for Best Actress, and is a big favorite according to the betting odds. I thought she did a fine job, but nothing earth-shattering. Perhaps a “career” Oscar? Or perhaps (and this is my bet) the other contenders weren’t particularly special this year either.

Dennis Quaid does a passable job playing a buffoonish stereotypical misogynist studio boss, who lets Elisabeth know that she’s too old for this business anymore and is headed for obscurity. Elisabeth stumbles on a sci-fi product that will rejuvenate her — so long as she accepts some very weird side effects.

She can become a young and beautiful new person again — so long as every 7 days, she switches her consciousness back into her old body. Still, pretty good deal! Half your remaining life can be spent as everything you want to be! What could go wrong?

Well, human nature goes wrong, of course. This vain person can’t stand being back in the “old” body so she tries to cheat the system. The system can’t be cheated. Horrific and disgusting side-effects ensue.

The film tries to make one simple moralistic parable: Don’t be vain. It will make you miserable. If you trade on nothing but your youth and looks, you are destined for misery.

The rest of the movie is a sci-fi-ish tale that goes on for about an hour too long. The writer/director just keeps beating the dead horse of her point in increasingly disgusting and ham-handed ways.

I’m shocked that Fargeat is nominated for best director. This is only her second film. Her first, Revenge, was well received, though I haven’t seen it. This one just seemed… clumsy. And again, way too long.

The betting odds seem to agree. She’s a big longshot.

Thanks for indulging me this week to talk about movies!

Naturally,

Adam