Worried about WWIII?

Don't be. Little green men from Mars have made war "fun" again!

Today I’m going to share a fun little conspiracy theory. I think I’m the originator of this one, but of course I can’t be sure. Lots of kooks think lots of kooky stuff all the time.

Here goes:

Nuke’s aren’t real. Aliens (the UFO kind, not the ‘horde on the southern border” kind) turned them off.

This nutty idea popped into my head sometime in the last couple years as I saw Western powers provoking Russia in all kinds of ways that seemed foolhardy to me.

Why are they pushing NATO up against Russia’s borders? Why are they funding Ukraine against Russia? Why did they send Boris Johnson to Kiev to blow up peace talks in the spring of 2020?

Why were Western leaders simultaneously claiming that Vladimir Putin is an unhinged murderous dictator who must be removed from power at all costs, while ignoring the obvious nuclear threat of provoking such a “lunatic”?

It seemed insane to me. Have we forgotten the incredible danger that nuclear war poses to the entire human race?

I was nervous. I was bewildered. Surely our “leaders” aren’t this foolhardy. What do they know that I don’t?

Version 1.0 of this conspiracy theory of mine was that perhaps our CIA had infiltrated deep into the Russian military and coopted the key officials in charge of launching nukes. These heroic Russkies were on our side now, see? They simply would refuse to launch the nukes if the madman Putin ordered them to.

Since Putin was “disarmed” by CIA action, they could go ahead and provoke him all they wanted. He’s not a nuclear power any more!

This seemed far-fetched, even to the conspiracy theory sliver of my mind. But how else to explain our seemingly reckless foreign policy? Not to mention all the saber-rattling Western leaders are doing towards China over Taiwan and trade policy and such. What about China’s nuclear arsenal?

But then I remembered my own former US Senator from Nevada, Harry Reid. Ole “Searchlight Harry” had long been interested in UFOs. Shortly before he died, Senator Reid gave a weird interview in which he talked about UFOs hovering over US nuclear missile sites. What on earth were they doing?

Aha! Conspiracy 2.0 was born!

You see, US war hawks aren’t worried about Russian or Chinese nukes because they know that space aliens have “turned off” our own nuclear warheads. Also, they surmise that the aliens must have similarly “unnuked” everybody else.

If so, our seemingly insane and reckless policy of provoking Russia and China suddenly turns into standard bullying and proxy war nonsense. Normal fare for the US empire. No risk of the American heartland getting nuked whatsoever.

There. Don’t you feel better now?

We live in such bizarre times that embracing completely unfounded conspiracy theories can help with your mental health. Either believe my nutty hypothesis or develop stomach ulcers wondering when our psychotic overlords are going to get your town incinerated in nuclear fire.

I prefer to embrace the crazy and thank the little green men for their service in keeping us relatively safe.

Thanks fellas!

(un)Naturally,

Adam